如何送出真正的“好”礼物？

近日，娱乐圈内关于粉丝应援礼物的事情引发热议。

借（cèng）此（gè）机（rè）会（diǎn），刚好圣诞、元旦马上来啦，你的礼物准备好了吗？我们来看看纽约时报（The New York Times）今天这篇关于送礼物的文章：如何在节日季送出真正的“好”礼物。

You're Choosing a Gift.

Here's What Not to Do.

The New York Times

On Christmas morning, a husband quietly apologizes to his wife that his gifts this year are humble — money is tight. She bravely affirms that she loves the pajamas and the sweater. Later, as the children play with their new toys, the husband reveals one last gift box, in which the wife discovers a diamond necklace. She squeals with astonished delight.

This advertising trope is not just cloying. It also feeds five false beliefs people commonly hold about what makes gift recipients happy. Fortunately, psychological and marketing research not only shows that these beliefs are wrong; it also offers guidance for picking gifts people will actually like.

First, ignore price. Despite the stock saying, “It’s the thought that counts,” gift givers think that spending a lot — on diamonds, for example — shows that they care. When researchers asked people to recall a gift they gave and then to rate how much they thought recipients liked it, higher prices went with higher ratings. But when people made the same ratings for a gift they had received, price was completely unrelated to enjoyment.

Second, give gifts that are actually usable. Gift givers tend to focus on how pleasurable it would be to use the gift, but overlook how easily or often the gift will be used; a husband might imagine his wife feeling like a million bucks in her diamonds, but ignore the fact that she seldom wears formal jewelry.

In an experiment showing this phenomenon, researchers approached people in pairs who were out in public. One person (10 feet away from the other) completed a word search puzzle and was told that, as a reward, she could give her friend one of two gifts: a pen described as beautiful but too heavy for everyday use, or a retractable pen that was easy to carry. Gift givers favored the beautiful pen but recipients were not only happier if they got the practical pen, they rated it as the more thoughtful gift.

Givers might favor the beautiful and dramatic because they think about gifts in the abstract: “What’s a good gift?” Recipients, in contrast, imagine themselves using it, and so focus more on utility.

That’s why people buying gift cards for others often prefer luxury brands over everyday brands, but the preference reverses when they are buying for themselves. Indeed, a study examined the prices that resold gift cards commanded on eBay, and showed that people were willing to pay around $77 for a $100 gift card to a more expensive store (for example, Bloomingdale’s), but would pay around $89 for a $100 gift card to an everyday establishment (for example, Lowe’s).

Third (and this one is especially relevant during the pandemic), don’t worry if your gift isn’t usable immediately. Although it feels odd to you, recipients don’t mind waiting. In one experiment, researchers asked people to compare different types of gifts: One was immediately appealing, like a dozen flowers in full bloom, or, for a similar price, a gift that would be more satisfying in the long term, like two dozen buds that would bloom in a few days.

When people thought they would give the gift, they preferred the former, but others who were asked which they’d like to receive picked the latter. Another study showed a similar asymmetry for giving part of a gift. Givers didn’t like the idea of giving someone half the money to buy a high-end blender, preferring to give a medium-priced model outright. Recipients showed the opposite preference.

Fourth, give people what they ask for. Gift givers think that unexpectedness adds value because it shows thoughtfulness; the wife wasn’t expecting diamonds, but the husband knew she’d love them. But recipients actually think it’s more thoughtful to give a gift that they requested. They see it as showing that the giver attended to and honored their wishes. If someone wants to be surprised, she can always tell you.

Fifth, give experiences, not things. That’s true even during the pandemic — remember, people don’t mind waiting. Research over the last decade shows that experiences lead to more long-lasting satisfaction than new possessions: A family vacation is a better bet than that diamond necklace. But givers are leery of experiences because they worry it’s more likely they’ll pick something the recipient doesn’t want. It’s a valid concern, but there’s an easy fix: Make sure there are choices. Instead of giving a massage, give a gift certificate to a spa that offers a range of services.

To be clear, all of this research does not show that recipients mostly hate the gifts they get. But it does show that, on average, people could give better gifts. Why don’t they?

It may be that we don’t learn what makes a good gift because we seldom get valid feedback; social convention dictates that you must profess to like any present you get.

Jeff Galak, a professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon, along with two colleagues, offers a compelling, somewhat darker alternative: Givers are actually a bit selfish. They favor dramatic, expensive, surprising gifts because they want to see the recipient’s delight. The long-term pleasure of the recipient may not be observed and therefore is discounted.

After a hard year, we may be especially eager to savor a look of shocked joy on a recipient’s face. But after all, it is the season to set aside our own desires and try our best to anticipate theirs. That may bring longer-lasting joy.

- ◆ -

注：中文文本为纽约时报官方译文，仅供参考

含注释全文：

You're Choosing a Gift.

Here's What Not to Do.

如何在节日季送出真正的“好”礼物

The New York Times

On Christmas morning, a husband quietly apologizes to his wife that his gifts this year are humble — money is tight. She bravely affirms that she loves the pajamas and the sweater. Later, as the children play with their new toys, the husband reveals one last gift box, in which the wife discovers a diamond necklace. She squeals with astonished delight.

在圣诞节的早晨，一位丈夫悄悄向妻子道歉，说他今年的礼物会很普通——因为手头紧。她勇敢地向他确认，她喜欢那套睡衣和套头衫。后来，当孩子们玩他们的新玩具时，丈夫拿出了最后一个礼盒，妻子发现里面是一条钻石项链。她惊喜地尖叫起来。

除了表示“谦虚的，谦逊的”，还可以指“普通的，不起眼的”英文解释为“ordinary; not special or very important”举个🌰：

Welcome to our humble abode (= our home).

欢迎来到寒舍。

📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述跨境贸易的文章中提到：Even simple products rely on elaborate supply chains: a humble cup of coffee requires 29 firms to collaborate across 18 countries, according to one estimate. 就连很简单的产品也依赖复杂精密的供应链：据一项估计，一杯普通的咖啡需要18个国家的29家公司协作生产。

tight还可用来指时间、金钱表示“紧的，拮据的”，英文解释为“If time or money is tight, there is only just enough of it.”举个🌰：

I'm sorry I can't stay for a chat, time's really tight.

抱歉，我不能留下来聊天了，时间真的很紧。

表示“证实；确认；断言”，英文解释为“to state something as true”举个🌰：

The suspect affirmed (that) he had been at home all evening.

犯罪嫌疑人声称他整个晚上都呆在家中。

表示“发出长而尖的声音；尖叫”，英文解释为“to make a long, very high sound or cry”举个🌰：

The two children squealed with joy.

两个孩子高兴地尖叫着。

This advertising trope is not just cloying. It also feeds five false beliefs people commonly hold about what makes gift recipients happy. Fortunately, psychological and marketing research not only shows that these beliefs are wrong; it also offers guidance for picking gifts people will actually like.

这种广告手法不只是让人腻烦，它还给人们灌输了如何让收礼者开心的五种错误信念。幸运的是，心理学和市场研究不仅表明这些看法是错误的，而且还为如何挑选人们真正喜欢的礼物提供了指导。

trope /trəʊp/ 表示“（某位艺术家作品中，或某一类艺术作品中常用的）理念，说法，形象”，英文解释为“something such as an idea, phrase, or image that is often used in a particular artist's work, in a particular type of art, etc.”举个🌰：

Human-like robots are a classic trope of science fiction.

像人一样的机器人是科幻小说中的典型形象。

cloying /ˈklɔɪɪŋ/ 表示“令人腻烦的；腻味的；假惺惺的”，英文解释为“too good or kind, or expressing feelings of love in a way that is not sincere”举个🌰：

She criticized the cloying sentimentality of the film.

她批评这部电影太过多愁善感，令人腻烦。

First, ignore price. Despite the stock saying, “It's the thought that counts,” gift givers think that spending a lot — on diamonds, for example — shows that they care. When researchers asked people to recall a gift they gave and then to rate how much they thought recipients liked it, higher prices went with higher ratings. But when people made the same ratings for a gift they had received, price was completely unrelated to enjoyment.

首先，忽略价格。虽然俗话说得好，“重在心意”，但送礼者却认为花很多钱——例如花在钻石上——表明他们很在乎。当研究人员要求人们回忆一个他们送出的礼物，然后对他们认为收礼者喜欢它的程度进行评分时，价格越高，评分就越高。但是当人们为自己接收到的礼物进行评分时，价格与愉悦程度完全无关。

熟词僻义，作形容词，表示“（想法、表达方式或行动）老一套的，陈腐的，一成不变的”，英文解释为“(of an idea, expression, or action) usual or typical, and used or done so many times that it is no longer original”如：a stock phrase 常用的字眼 a stock response 老一套的回答，her stock expression 她一贯会说的话。

📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述AI模型GPT-3的文章中提到：With no real understanding of what it was being asked to do, GPT-3 retreated into generic evasiveness, repeating four times the stock phrase “I'm sorry, but I don't have time to explain the underlying reason why not.” GPT-3并不真正理解要它做什么，只好泛泛而谈，闪烁其词，把它一句现成的套话重复了四次：“对不起，我没时间解释为何不是如此的根本原因。”

Second, give gifts that are actually usable. Gift givers tend to focus on how pleasurable it would be to use the gift, but overlook how easily or often the gift will be used; a husband might imagine his wife feeling like a million bucks in her diamonds, but ignore the fact that she seldom wears formal jewelry.

其次，送实际可用的礼物。送礼者往往将注意力集中在使用礼物的乐趣上，而忽略了礼物的易用程度或使用频率。丈夫可能会想象戴上钻石项链的妻子感觉自己倾国倾城，但忽略了实际上她很少佩戴正式珠宝。

英式 look/feel like a million dollars，美式 look/feel like a million bucks，表示“（通常指享受奢侈品时）看上去／感觉非常好”，英文解释为“to look or feel extremely good, often because you are wearing something that costs a lot of money”举个🌰：

"You look like a million bucks in that dress, honey!"

“你穿那件衣服真棒，亲爱的！”

In an experiment showing this phenomenon, researchers approached people in pairs who were out in public. One person (10 feet away from the other) completed a word search puzzle and was told that, as a reward, she could give her friend one of two gifts: a pen described as beautiful but too heavy for everyday use, or a retractable pen that was easy to carry. Gift givers favored the beautiful pen but recipients were not only happier if they got the practical pen, they rated it as the more thoughtful gift.

在一个展示这种现象的实验中，研究人员与成对出现在公共场合的人们进行接触。其中一人（与另一人相距三米）完成了一个单词搜索谜题，并被告知，作为奖励，她可以从两个礼物中选择一个送给她的朋友：一支漂亮但对日常使用来说过重的笔，或者一支便携伸缩笔。送礼者偏向于漂亮的笔，但如果收礼者收到了那支实用的笔，他们不仅更开心，还将其评为更加体贴的礼物。

表示“可缩进的；可拉回的”，英文解释为“that can be moved or pulled back into the main part of sth”。

Givers might favor the beautiful and dramatic because they think about gifts in the abstract: “What's a good gift?” Recipients, in contrast, imagine themselves using it, and so focus more on utility.

送礼者可能会喜欢精美而引人注目的礼物，因为他们对礼物的想法很抽象：“什么礼物是好礼物？”相比之下，收礼者想象自己如何使用它，因此更加关注实用性。

1）表示“激动人心的；引人注目的；给人印象深刻的”，英文解释为“exciting and impressive”如：a dramatic victory 激动人心的胜利。

2）表示“突然的；巨大的；令人吃惊的”，英文解释为“sudden, very great and often surprising”，如：a dramatic increase暴涨。

3）表示“戏剧的；表演的”，英文解释为“relating to plays and acting”如：the American Academy of Dramatic Arts 美国戏剧艺术学院。

That's why people buying gift cards for others often prefer luxury brands over everyday brands, but the preference reverses when they are buying for themselves. Indeed, a study examined the prices that resold gift cards commanded on eBay, and showed that people were willing to pay around $77 for a $100 gift card to a more expensive store (for example, Bloomingdale's), but would pay around $89 for a $100 gift card to an everyday establishment (for example, Lowe's).

这就是为什么人们为他人购买礼品卡时通常会偏爱奢侈品牌而不是日常品牌，但是当他们为自己买时偏好则相反。的确，一项研究分析了在eBay上转售礼品卡的价格，结果表明人们为更昂贵的商店（例如布鲁明戴尔百货[Bloomingdale's]）的100美元礼品卡愿意付约77美元，而为普通百货店（例如劳氏[Lowe's]）的100美元礼品卡愿意付约89美元。

表示“商店；企业；机构”，英文解释为“An establishment is a shop, business, or organization occupying a particular building or place.”如：a scientific research establishment 一个科研机构，the VC establishment 风投机构。

Third (and this one is especially relevant during the pandemic), don't worry if your gift isn't usable immediately. Although it feels odd to you, recipients don't mind waiting. In one experiment, researchers asked people to compare different types of gifts: One was immediately appealing, like a dozen flowers in full bloom, or, for a similar price, a gift that would be more satisfying in the long term, like two dozen buds that would bloom in a few days.

第三（这一点在大流行期间尤为重要），无需担心你的礼物不能被立即使用。尽管你觉得这很奇怪，但收礼者并不介意等待。在一个实验中，研究人员要求人们比较不同类型的礼物：一种是能够马上吸引人的礼物，例如十几朵盛开的鲜花，或者另一种价格相似但更能在长期令人满意的礼物，例如二十几朵在几天内会开放的花蕾。

表示“芽；花蕾”，英文解释为“a small part of a plant, that develops into a flower or leaf”。

When people thought they would give the gift, they preferred the former, but others who were asked which they'd like to receive picked the latter. Another study showed a similar asymmetry for giving part of a gift. Givers didn't like the idea of giving someone half the money to buy a high-end blender, preferring to give a medium-priced model outright. Recipients showed the opposite preference.

当人们觉得他们要送礼物时，他们更喜欢前者，但其他人被问到想要收到哪种礼物时，他们选择后者。另一项研究显示，赠送不完整礼物存在类似的不对称性。送礼者不喜欢赠予他人一半的钱来购买高端搅拌机（blender）的想法，而是愿意直接送一个中等价位的型号。而收礼者却显示出相反的偏好。

asymmetry /æˈsɪmɪtrɪ/ 表示“不对称”，英文解释为“Asymmetry is the appearance that something has when its two sides or halves are different in shape, size, or style.”

Fourth, give people what they ask for. Gift givers think that unexpectedness adds value because it shows thoughtfulness; the wife wasn't expecting diamonds, but the husband knew she'd love them. But recipients actually think it's more thoughtful to give a gift that they requested. They see it as showing that the giver attended to and honored their wishes. If someone wants to be surprised, she can always tell you.

第四，给人们他们想要的东西。送礼者认为，出乎意料的礼物可以锦上添花，因为它显得周到。妻子没料到会收到钻石，但丈夫知道她会喜欢钻石的。但收礼者实际上认为，送出他们要求的礼物更为周到。他们认为这表明送礼者关注并实现了他们的愿望。如果有人想要惊喜，她随时可以告诉你。

attend作动词，本身有“注意，倾听，专心”的含义，英文解释为“to pay attention to what sb is saying or to what you are doing”，举个🌰：

She hadn't been attending during the lesson.

上课时她一直不专心。

I'm afraid I wasn't attending to what was being said.

恐怕我没注意听说了些什么。

另外，attend to sb./sth.这个短语也可可以指“处理；照料；关心”，英文解释为“to help someone or deal with something ”举个🌰：

Doctors tried to attend to the worst injured soldiers first.

医生们首先努力救治受伤最严重的士兵。

📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述量子计算的文章中提到：The chief lesson is to attend to every part of the process. 它带来的最重要经验是关注进程中的每一个环节。

honor/honour，熟词僻义，表示“信守，执行，兑现（承诺/协议）”，英文解释为“to do what you have agreed or promised to do”举个🌰：

They decided not to honor an existing order for aircraft.

他们决定不兑现已有的飞机订单。

Fifth, give experiences, not things. That's true even during the pandemic — remember, people don't mind waiting. Research over the last decade shows that experiences lead to more long-lasting satisfaction than new possessions: A family vacation is a better bet than that diamond necklace. But givers are leery of experiences because they worry it's more likely they'll pick something the recipient doesn't want. It's a valid concern, but there's an easy fix: Make sure there are choices. Instead of giving a massage, give a gift certificate to a spa that offers a range of services.

第五，送体验，而非东西。即使在大流行期间也是如此——记住，人们不介意等待。过去十年的研究表明，与拥有一个新的东西相比，体验能带来更持久的满足感：与钻石项链相比，一次家庭度假是更好的选择。但送礼者对送体验有顾忌，因为他们担心他们选的不是收礼者想要的。这是一个合理的担忧，但也有简单的解决方法：确保有多个选择。与其送一次按摩服务，不如送一张提供一系列服务的水疗中心的礼券。

表示“好的做法；好的选择；明智之举”，英文解释为“If you tell someone that something is a good bet, you are suggesting that it is the thing or course of action that they should choose.”举个🌰：

Putting your savings in a high-interest account is a good bet.

把你的积蓄存进高利率储蓄户头是明智之举。

📍the best bet/your best bet 最高级，指的就是最好的办法，最好的选择，举个🌰：

If you want to get around Shanghai fast, the Underground is your best bet.

如果你想在上海快速出行，最好是乘地铁。

表示“猜疑的；谨防的；极力躲避的”，英文解释为“suspicious or careful about sth/sb, and trying to avoid doing it or dealing with them”通常用法：be leery of sth/doing sth，举个🌰：

I've always been a little leery of authority figures.

我对权威人物一直存有戒心。

To be clear, all of this research does not show that recipients mostly hate the gifts they get. But it does show that, on average, people could give better gifts. Why don't they?

需要明确的是，所有这些研究并未显示大多数收礼者讨厌收到的礼物。但它们的确表明，一般来说，人们可以送出更好的礼物。他们为什么不这么做呢？

It may be that we don't learn what makes a good gift because we seldom get valid feedback; social convention dictates that you must profess to like any present you get.

可能是因为我们很少得到有效的反馈，所以我们没有学习到什么才是一份好的礼物；社交习俗规定你必须对你收到的任何礼物表示喜爱。

表示“（尤指以令人不快的方式）指使，强行规定”，英文解释为“to tell sb what to do, especially in an annoying way”举个🌰：

What right do they have to dictate how we live our lives?

他们有什么权利强行规定我们该怎样生活？

表示“声称；自称；谎称；宣称，公开表示”，英文解释为“to state something, sometimes in a way that is not sincere”举个🌰：

She professes not to be interested in money.

她声称对钱不感兴趣。

🎬电影《像男人一样思考》（Think Like a Man）中的台词提到：we're just not about to profess our love to you. 那我们也不打算向你示爱。

Jeff Galak, a professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon, along with two colleagues, offers a compelling, somewhat darker alternative: Givers are actually a bit selfish. They favor dramatic, expensive, surprising gifts because they want to see the recipient's delight. The long-term pleasure of the recipient may not be observed and therefore is discounted.

卡耐基梅隆大学(Carnegie Mellon)市场营销学教授杰夫·加拉克(Jeff Galak)和两位同事提供了一种更有说服力但也有些暗黑的另类解释：送礼者实际上有点自私。他们喜欢引人注目的、昂贵的、令人惊讶的礼物，因为他们希望看到收礼者的喜悦。收礼者的长期愉悦感可能无法观察到，因此被忽略了。

1）表示“令人信服的”，英文解释为“A compelling argument or reason is one that convinces you that something is true or that something should be done.”举个🌰：

Factual and forensic evidence makes a suicide verdict the most compelling answer to the mystery of his death.

事实和法庭证据使自杀的判定成为对他死亡之谜最令人信服的解答。

2）表示“引人入胜的”，英文解释为“If you describe something such as a film or book, or someone's appearance, as compelling, you mean you want to keep looking at it or reading it because you find it so interesting.”举个🌰：

Her latest book makes compelling reading.

她新出的书读起来扣人心弦。

表示“忽视，忽略，不理会”，英文解释为“to decide that something or someone is not worth considering or giving attention”举个🌰：

You shouldn't discount the possibility of him coming back.

你不应该排除他回来的可能性。

📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述数据的欺骗性的文章中提到：The raw numbers are not incorrect, but the picture they paint is incomplete, because they discount performers who are still alive. 始数字没有错，但他们的研究范围并不完整，因为他们忽略了仍然健在的歌手。

After a hard year, we may be especially eager to savor a look of shocked joy on a recipient's face. But after all, it is the season to set aside our own desires and try our best to anticipate theirs. That may bring longer-lasting joy.

经历了艰难的一年，我们可能特别渴望看到收礼者脸上绽放的喜悦。但是不论如何，这个节日季意味着我们要放下自己的欲望，并尽最大努力预知并满足他人。这可能会带来更长久的快乐。

savor/savour表示“细品，享用”，英文解释为“to enjoy food or an experience slowly, in order to enjoy it as much as possible”举个🌰：

It was the first chocolate he'd tasted for over a year, so he savored every mouthful.

这是他一年多来吃到的第一块巧克力，因此他每一口都细细品尝。

📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述特朗普作为商人一面的文章中提到：It was a high point of their relationship that the Brit still savours. 这是二人交情的一个高潮，他到今天还在回味。

谢谢你看到这里呀

公众号后台对话框里发送：666

参与新一轮抽奖（12月24日0点开）

公众号后台对话框里发送：沙发

查看沙发计划，抢沙发拿奖励

公众号后台对话框里发送：打卡

参与每天持续行动打卡计划

- 推荐阅读 -

2020年日本年度汉字揭晓：密

法国总统马克龙新冠检测阳性

选举人团投票确认拜登当选美国总统

为了这个合集，准备了整整11个月。

2000天，我是怎么坚持下来的

- END -