爱情为什么变“慢”了？

近日，日本媒体爆料福原爱遭受男方语言暴力，与江宏杰已协议离婚，引发热议。

⚠️理智吃瓜，学习为重。

借（cèng）此（gè）机（rè）会（diǎn），我们来看看纽约时报（The New York Times）关于爱情的文章：千禧一代的爱情为什么变“慢”了？

无注释原文：

Should We All Take the Slow Road to Love?

The New York Times

Is the secret to lasting love to take it slow? As in really, really slow?

The millennial generation is putting that theory to the test, opting for what the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher calls “slow love.” Studies show that millennials are dating less, having less sex and marrying much later than any generation before them, and a younger generation appears to be following in their footsteps.

These changes have prompted hand-wringing among some experts who speculate that hookup culture, anxiety, screen time, social media and helicopter parents have left us with a generation incapable of intimacy and commitment.

But Dr. Fisher takes a more generous view, and suggests that we could all learn a thing or two from millennials about the benefits of slow love. It’s not that millennials are wrecking marriage, she says. It may be that they value it more.

“It seems everyone is swept up in a very myopic understanding of sex, love and romance,” said Dr. Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. “I would like people to understand that while millennials are not marrying yet, and they are not having as much sex as my generation, the reasons for this are good.”

The millennial cohort is roughly defined as those who were born in the 1980s to the early 2000s — although there is some debate about the boundaries. Millennials, due in part to their digital savvy, already are credited with significant changes in how we live, work and interact.

But what is particularly striking is how quickly the cohort has rewritten the rules for courtship, sex and marriage. In 2018, the median age of first marriage was approaching 30 (29.8 for men and 27.8 for women). That’s more than a five-year delay in marriage compared to 1980, when the median age was 24.7 for men and 22 for women.

Dr. Fisher, author of “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray,” has devoted her career to studying love and relationships. Most recently she has collected data on more than 30,000 people related to current courtship and marriage trends. Dr. Fisher believes that instead of criticizing and judging millennials, perhaps we should be paying more attention. It’s possible, she said, that today’s singles are carving a more successful path to lasting love than previous generations.

“We can all learn from people who don’t want to waste a lot of time doing things that are going nowhere,” said Dr. Fisher, the co-author of a chapter on “slow love” in the 2018 anthology “The New Psychology of Love,” published by Cambridge University Press.

She notes that people who date three years or more before marrying are 39 percent less likely to divorce than people who rush into marriage. “This is a real extended period of the pre-commitment stage,” said Dr. Fisher. “With slow love, maybe by the time people walk down the aisle they know who they’ve got, and they think they can keep who they’ve got.”

Ask millennials and they will tell you that there is nothing casual about their approach to sex, dating and romance.

“Hooking up with someone doesn’t mean that millennials now don’t value marriage,” says Anne Kat Alexander, who at 23 is in the second wave of the millennial generation. “If anything, they value marriage more because they are putting a lot more forward thinking into that decision.”

Dr. Fisher says her research suggests today’s singles seek to learn as much as possible about a potential partner before they spend time, energy and money on courtship. As a result, the path to romance has changed significantly. Whereas a “first date” used to represent the getting-to-know-you phase of a courtship, now going on an official date with someone comes later in the relationship.

“In my day you went out on a first date with someone you didn’t know very well, and you went to dinner or mini golf,” she said. “The first date has changed — it’s time consuming and expensive. Now they have a sex interview with a person to see if they want to invest in a first date.”

Ms. Alexander, who lives in Princeton and identifies as bisexual, said she and her partner want to finish their education, start their careers and be on solid financial footing before marriage.“To be successful in a marriage you have to be compatible in a lot of different ways,” she says. “Sex is one for those vectors of compatibility where I feel like millennials want to make sure they’re also compatible.”

For millennials, financial issues also loom large in their decisions about relationships. They talk about the burden of student debt, and their desire to find meaningful work in an increasingly impersonal job market. Many say their lives were deeply affected by the 2008 financial crisis as they watched their parents lose businesses, struggle with debt and even go through divorces.

“When I first met my fiancé, I asked, ‘What’s your credit score?’ ” said Lucy Murray, 24. “In the long run, if we’re talking about marriage, buying a place together, having joint bank accounts and putting cars in each others’ names, those are big financial decisions that will be linked permanently for both of us. That’s why I ask right away.”

Financial issues continue to influence the couple’s relationship. They recently moved to Syracuse from New York City because housing prices are lower. They also canceled wedding plans, and may eventually elope. “Weddings are expensive,” said Ms. Murray.

The trends set by the millennials appear to be continuing into the next generation, often called Generation Z. “It’s the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone,” said Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of the book “iGen,” which describes young people today as less rebellious, but also less happy and unprepared for adulthood. “They spend less time with each other face-to-face, which may be connected with why they are less likely to have sex with each other.”

But Dr. Fisher believes today’s singles are setting a good example for future generations by having a more thoughtful view of marriage and commitment. “Love is fickle,” said Dr. Fisher. “The more stability you can bring to this, the more likely you are going to find something that really works and works long term.”

- ◆ -

注：中文文本为纽约时报官方译文，仅供参考

含注释全文：

Should We All Take the Slow Road to Love?

千禧一代的爱情为什么变“慢”了？

The New York Times

Is the secret to lasting love to take it slow? As in really, really slow?

爱情持久的秘诀在于慢慢来？就是，非常、非常慢那种？

The millennial generation is putting that theory to the test, opting for what the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher calls “slow love.” Studies show that millennials are dating less, having less sex and marrying much later than any generation before them, and a younger generation appears to be following in their footsteps.

千禧一代正在检验这一理论，开始选择体质人类学家海伦·费舍尔（Helen Fisher）所称的“慢爱”。研究显示，千禧一代比他们之前的任何一代约会和性爱的次数都更少，结婚也更晚，更年轻一代则似乎在步他们的后尘。

millennial /mɪˈleniəl/ 通常复数，表示“千禧世代；千禧之子；千禧一代”，英文解释为“a person who was born around the time of the millennium, that is around the year”。一般指出生于20世纪时未成年，在跨入21世纪（即2000年）以后达到成年年龄的一代人。

表示“选择”，英文解释为“If you opt for something, or opt to do something, you choose it or decide to do it in preference to anything else.”举个🌰：

Depending on your circumstances you can opt for one method or the other.

根据自己的情况，你可以选择这种或那种方法。

anthropologist /ˌænθrəˈpɒːlədʒɪst/ 表示“人类学家”，英文解释为“a person who studies anthropology”

📍anthropology /ˌænθrəˈpɒlədʒɪ/：the study of the human race, especially of its origins, development, customs and beliefs 人类学

These changes have prompted hand-wringing among some experts who speculate that hookup culture, anxiety, screen time, social media and helicopter parents have left us with a generation incapable of intimacy and commitment.

这些变化让一些专家感到担忧，他们猜测，勾搭文化、焦虑、屏幕盯视时间、社交媒体和直升机父母让我们要面对没有亲密和承诺的一代人。

作动词，表示“促使；导致；激起”，英文解释为“to make sb decide to do sth; to cause sth to happen”举个🌰：

His speech prompted an angry outburst from a man in the crowd.

他的讲话激起了人群中一男子的愤怒。

📺美剧《斯巴达克斯：血与沙》（Spartacus: Blood and Sand）中的台词提到：One cannot but wonder what would prompt such an act 不知他们为何遭此不幸。

表示“绝望，束手无策，歇斯底里状态”，英文解释为“an extended debate over the correct course of action in a situation”。

表示“推测；猜测；推断”，英文解释为“to form an opinion about sth without knowing all the details or facts”举个🌰：

We all speculated about the reasons for her resignation.

我们大家都推测过她辞职的原因。

📺美剧《24小时》（24 Hours）中的台词提到：I wouldn't want to speculate at this time, 这次我不想妄加揣测。

国内有译作“勾搭文化”，据维基百科：A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sex encounters, including one-night stands and other related activity, without necessarily including emotional intimacy, bonding or a committed relationship.

直译为“直升机式父母”，指那些过分关注孩子生活中的经历和问题的父母，英文解释为“parents who try too hard to protect their children and organize their lives, even when their children have left school”。

But Dr. Fisher takes a more generous view, and suggests that we could all learn a thing or two from millennials about the benefits of slow love. It's not that millennials are wrecking marriage, she says. It may be that they value it more.

但费舍尔持着一种更开明的态度，她表示我们都能从千禧一代身上学到一些慢爱的好处。她说，千禧一代并非在破坏婚姻。他们可能更加珍视婚姻。

作动词，表示“破坏；损坏；毁坏；毁灭；毁掉”，英文解释为“wrecksth to damage or destroy sth”举个🌰：

The building had been wrecked by the explosion.

那座楼房被炸毁了。

The weather wrecked all our plans.

天气把我们的计划全都毁了。

“It seems everyone is swept up in a very myopic understanding of sex, love and romance,” said Dr. Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. “I would like people to understand that while millennials are not marrying yet, and they are not having as much sex as my generation, the reasons for this are good.”

“似乎大家都迷上了对性、爱情和浪漫的一种非常短视的认知，”在金赛研究所(Kinsey Institute)担任高级研究员的费舍尔说。“我想让人们理解，虽然千禧一代还没有结婚，他们的性生活也少于我这一代，他们这样做的原因是好的。”

myopic /maɪˈɒpɪk/ 表示“目光短浅的；缺乏远见的”，英文解释为“If you describe someone as myopic, you are critical of them because they seem unable to realize that their actions might have negative consequences.”

The millennial cohort is roughly defined as those who were born in the 1980s to the early 2000s — although there is some debate about the boundaries. Millennials, due in part to their digital savvy, already are credited with significant changes in how we live, work and interact.

千禧人群的界定大致为1980年代到2000年初出生的人——尽管在年限的划分上存在一些争论。由于精通数码等原因，千禧一代已被认为给我们的生活、工作和互动方式带来了显著变化。

表示“（有共同特点或举止类同的）一群人，一批人”，英文解释为“a group of people who share a common feature or aspect of behaviour”如：the 1994 birth cohort，1994年出生的同龄人口 = all those born in 1994。

savvy表示“有见识的；懂实际知识的；通情达理的”，英文解释为“having practical knowledge and understanding of sth; having common sense”，tech-savvy指的就是懂技术，精通技术/科技的（knowing a lot about modern technology, especially computers），此处tech savvy consumers指的就是现在网购普及，擅长用手机/电脑在网上进行购物消费的消费者们。

🎬电影《爱情、婚礼和婚姻》（Love, Wedding, Marriage）中的台词提到：if you're gonna be gone for six months, you need to be internet email savvy. 如果你要离开半年 你得精通互联网电子邮件。

But what is particularly striking is how quickly the cohort has rewritten the rules for courtship, sex and marriage. In 2018, the median age of first marriage was approaching 30 (29.8 for men and 27.8 for women). That's more than a five-year delay in marriage compared to 1980, when the median age was 24.7 for men and 22 for women.

但尤其令人惊讶的，是这个群体如此迅速地改写了求爱、性爱与婚姻的规则。2018年，初次婚姻平均年龄接近30岁（男性29.8岁、女性27.8岁）。这和1980年相比，婚姻时间推迟了不止五年，当时初婚平均年龄是男性24.7岁、女性22岁。

表示“求爱期；求爱；追求”，英文解释为“the time when two people have a romantic relationship before they get married; the process of developing this relationship”举个🌰：

They married after a short courtship.

他们恋爱不久便结婚了。

Dr. Fisher, author of “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray,” has devoted her career to studying love and relationships. Most recently she has collected data on more than 30,000 people related to current courtship and marriage trends. Dr. Fisher believes that instead of criticizing and judging millennials, perhaps we should be paying more attention. It's possible, she said, that today's singles are carving a more successful path to lasting love than previous generations.

作为《爱欲——婚姻、外遇与离婚的自然史》（Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray）一书的作者，费舍尔的事业就是致力于研究爱情与关系。近来，她收集了3万多人的当前求爱和婚姻趋势相关数据。费舍尔认为，与其对千禧一代进行批评和品头论足，我们倒不如多留心观察。她表示，有可能当今的单身族在开辟比前几代人更为成功的持久爱情之路。

1）表示“解剖学”，英文解释为“the scientific study of the structure of human or animal bodies”。

2）表示“（人体的）解剖构造”，英文解释为“the structure of a body, or of a part of a body”。

3）表示“剖析；解析”，英文解释为“an examination of what sth is like or why it happens”，如：an anatomy of the current recession 对当前衰退的剖析。

1）原意表示“雕刻”，英文解释为“to make something by cutting into especially wood or stone, or to cut into the surface of stone, wood, etc.”举个🌰：

He carved her name on a tree.

他将她的名字刻在了树上。

2）carve sth (out) (for yourself)可以表示“艰苦创业；奋斗取得（事业、名声等）”，英文解释为“to work hard in order to have a successful career, reputation, etc.”举个🌰：

She has carved a place for herself in the fashion world.

她已在时装界谋得一席之地。

“We can all learn from people who don't want to waste a lot of time doing things that are going nowhere,” said Dr. Fisher, the co-author of a chapter on “slow love” in the 2018 anthology “The New Psychology of Love,” published by Cambridge University Press.

“从那些不想在没有结果的事情上浪费太多时间的人身上，我们都能学到东西，”费舍尔说，她在2018年剑桥大学出版社（Cambridge University Press）出版的文集《新爱情心理学》（The New Psychology of Love）中撰写了关于“慢爱”一章。

anthology /ænˈθɒlədʒɪ/ 表示“（不同作家作品的）选集”，英文解释为“a collection of poems, stories, etc. that have been written by different people and published together in a book”。

She notes that people who date three years or more before marrying are 39 percent less likely to divorce than people who rush into marriage. “This is a real extended period of the pre-commitment stage,” said Dr. Fisher. “With slow love, maybe by the time people walk down the aisle they know who they've got, and they think they can keep who they've got.”

她指出，婚前约会三年或三年以上的人，离婚的可能性比匆忙结婚的人低39%。“这是一段相当长的前承诺阶段，”费舍尔说。“如果慢慢地去爱，那么或许当人们步入婚姻殿堂的时候，就会知道他们遇到的是谁，就会觉得可以留住他们所遇到的。”

表示“结婚”，英文解释为“to get married”。

📍aisle本身作名词表示“（教堂、戏院、火车等座位间或超级市场货架间的）走道，过道”（a passage between rows of seats in a church, theatre, train, etc, or between rows of shelves in a supermarket）

Ask millennials and they will tell you that there is nothing casual about their approach to sex, dating and romance.

问问千禧一代，他们会告诉你，他们对待性、约会和浪漫的态度绝不是随便的。

“Hooking up with someone doesn't mean that millennials now don't value marriage,” says Anne Kat Alexander, who at 23 is in the second wave of the millennial generation. “If anything, they value marriage more because they are putting a lot more forward thinking into that decision.”

23岁的安妮·凯特·亚历山大（Anne Kat Alexander）属于千禧一代的第二浪潮，“更多约会并不意味着千禧一代现在不重视婚姻，”她说。“如果有什么区别的话，那就是他们更看重婚姻，因为他们在做决定时考虑得更长远。”

高中应该很爱考的一个短语了，表达看法，或用在否定句之后表示反面意见才对，一般解释为“如果有什么区别的话，要说真有什么的话；甚至正相反，甚至还不如说”，英文解释为“used to express an opinion about sth, or after a negative statement to suggest that the opposite is true”举个🌰：

I'd say he was more like his father, if anything.

依我看，如果一定要说他像谁的话，他比较像他的父亲。

She's not thin—if anything she's on the plump side.

她并不瘦，其实她还有点胖呢。

Dr. Fisher says her research suggests today's singles seek to learn as much as possible about a potential partner before they spend time, energy and money on courtship. As a result, the path to romance has changed significantly. Whereas a “first date” used to represent the getting-to-know-you phase of a courtship, now going on an official date with someone comes later in the relationship.

费舍尔说，她的研究表明，如今的单身人士在花时间、精力和金钱追求伴侣之前，会尽可能多地了解潜在的伴侣。结果，通往恋情的道路发生了巨大的变化。虽然“第一次约会”曾经代表着恋爱中“开始了解对方”的阶段，但现在，在一段关系中，和某人正式约会来得要晚一些。

“In my day you went out on a first date with someone you didn't know very well, and you went to dinner or mini golf,” she said. “The first date has changed — it's time consuming and expensive. Now they have a sex interview with a person to see if they want to invest in a first date.”

“在我那个年代，你和一个不太熟的人第一次约会，然后一起吃晚饭或打迷你高尔夫，”她说。“第一次约会发生了变化——它既费时又费钱。现在，他们会对一个人做个性面试，看看是否值得投入首次约会。

Ms. Alexander, who lives in Princeton and identifies as bisexual, said she and her partner want to finish their education, start their careers and be on solid financial footing before marriage.“To be successful in a marriage you have to be compatible in a lot of different ways,” she says. “Sex is one for those vectors of compatibility where I feel like millennials want to make sure they're also compatible.”

住在普林斯顿的亚历山大自我认同为双性恋。她说，她和伴侣希望在结婚前完成学业，开始职业生涯，并拥有坚实的经济基础。“要想拥有成功的婚姻，你们必须在很多不同的方面兼容，”她说。“性是兼容的元素之一，我觉得千禧一代想要确保它们也是兼容的。”

compatible /kəmˈpætəbəl/ 表示“可共存的；协调的；兼容的”，英文解释为“able to exist, live together, or work successfully with something or someone else”举个🌰：

It was when we started living together that we found we just weren't compatible.

等到开始生活在一起时，才发现我们根本合不来。

For millennials, financial issues also loom large in their decisions about relationships. They talk about the burden of student debt, and their desire to find meaningful work in an increasingly impersonal job market. Many say their lives were deeply affected by the 2008 financial crisis as they watched their parents lose businesses, struggle with debt and even go through divorces.

对于千禧一代来说，财务问题在人际关系决策中也显得很重要。他们谈论学生债务的负担，以及他们在日益缺乏人情味的就业市场中寻找有意义工作的愿望。许多人说，他们的生活深受2008年金融危机的影响，他们眼睁睁地看着父母失去生意、债务缠身，甚至离婚。

表示“令人忧虑，令人惊恐（并似乎难以避免）”，英文解释为“to be worrying or frightening and seem hard to avoid”举个🌰：

The prospect of war loomed large.

战争的阴影在逼近，令人忧虑。

表示“缺乏人情味的；冷淡的”，英文解释为“lacking friendly human feelings or atmosphere; making you feel unimportant”如：a vast impersonal organization 庞大而不讲人情的组织。

“When I first met my fiancé, I asked, ‘What's your credit score?’” said Lucy Murray, 24. “In the long run, if we're talking about marriage, buying a place together, having joint bank accounts and putting cars in each others' names, those are big financial decisions that will be linked permanently for both of us. That's why I ask right away.”

“当我第一次见到我现在的未婚夫时，我问他，‘你的信用评分是多少？’”24岁的露西·穆雷（Lucy Murray）说。“从长远来看，如果我们谈婚论嫁，一起买房、拥有共同银行账户、将汽车登记在彼此的名下，这些重大的财务决定将对我们两人产生永久的影响。所以我当时就问。”

Financial issues continue to influence the couple's relationship. They recently moved to Syracuse from New York City because housing prices are lower. They also canceled wedding plans, and may eventually elope. “Weddings are expensive,” said Ms. Murray.

经济问题继续影响着这对未婚夫妇的关系。他们最近从纽约市搬到了锡拉丘兹（Syracuse），因为那里的房子便宜。他们还取消了婚礼计划，最终可能秘密结婚。“婚礼很贵，”穆雷说。

表示“私奔”，英文解释为“When two people elope, they go away secretly together to get married.”

The trends set by the millennials appear to be continuing into the next generation, often called Generation Z. “It's the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone,” said Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of the book “iGen,” which describes young people today as less rebellious, but also less happy and unprepared for adulthood. “They spend less time with each other face-to-face, which may be connected with why they are less likely to have sex with each other.”

这股由千禧一代开始的趋势持续到通常称为Z世代的下一代，“他们是将整个青春期都花在智能手机上的第一代，”圣地亚哥州立大学心理学教授、著有《iGen》一书的让·特文格(Jean Twenge)说，该书称当今年轻人虽然没那么叛逆，但也不大乐意走入成年，而且尚未做好准备。“他们面对面在一起的时间更少，这可能与为什么他们彼此间发生性关系可能性相对小有关联。”

Generation Z (or Gen Z) is the demographic cohort after the Millennials. Demographers and researchers typically use the mid-1990s to early-2000s as starting birth years. There is little consensus regarding ending birth years. Most of Generation Z have used the Internet since a young age and are comfortable with technology and social media.

Z世代（Generation Z），美国及欧洲的流行用语，意指在1990年代中叶至2000年后出生的人。一般来说，他们主要是X世代的小孩，但也有较年轻的婴儿潮世代或是较年长的Y世代的小孩。他们又被称为M世代（多工世代，multitasking）、C世代（连结世代，Connected Generation）、网络世代（Net Generation），或是互联网世代（the Internet Generation）。（Wikipedia）

adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/ 表示“青春期”，英文解释为“Adolescence is the period of your life in which you develop from being a child into being an adult.”

表示“叛逆的”，英文解释为“If you think someone behaves in an unacceptable way and does not do what they are told, you can say they are rebellious.”

But Dr. Fisher believes today's singles are setting a good example for future generations by having a more thoughtful view of marriage and commitment. “Love is fickle,” said Dr. Fisher. “The more stability you can bring to this, the more likely you are going to find something that really works and works long term.”

但费舍尔认为，如今的单身人士对婚姻和承诺有了更审慎的看法，为后代树立了一个好榜样。“爱是善变的，”费舍尔说。“你越能让爱稳定下来，就越有可能找到真正行得通的、长期有效的方式。”

表示“三心二意的，靠不住的，变化无常的〔含贬义〕”，英文解释为“someone who is fickle is always changing their mind about people or things that they like, so that you cannot depend on them – used to show disapproval”。

谢谢你看到这里呀

公众号后台对话框里发送：666

参与抽奖（3月6日0点开）

公众号后台对话框里发送：沙发

查看沙发计划，抢沙发拿奖励

公众号后台对话框里发送：打卡

参与每天持续行动打卡计划

- 推荐阅读 -

「才思汇」是什么？

我的2020年度报告

为了这个合集，准备了整整一年。

2000天，我是怎么坚持下来的

写在六周年的话

- END -